Through Endless Dark, Gentle Light Finds Me

1 At our college graduation party, someone suggested we play "Me Through My Boyfriend's Lens." Every guy with a partner had to pull up three photos of his girlfriend from his camera roll.

The cutest, the sexiest, and the funniest. When it was Austin’s turn, the crowd erupted, chanting his name and slamming their glasses.

They declared him our star photographer and raised the stakes. Thirty pictures, they demanded, or he had to down his drink. Curious to see how he saw me, I leaned closer.

But the moment I moved, Austin shut off his screen with a sharp, defensive flick. Without a word, he grabbed his glass and drained it.

The laughter died, replaced by an awkward silence. Sensing the tension, Austin forced a casual laugh. "Caitlin is way too cute.

I’m not sharing her with you guys." The mood warmed back up. A friend nudged him, teasing that Austin had fried four memory cards shooting Brandi’s portfolios.

There was no way he didn’t have thirty photos of his own girlfriend. He was just hoarding them.

Brandi laughed it off, playfully hitting the guy. "Those were strictly for my portfolio!" The group chuckled and let the topic slide.

I watched Austin release a slow, visible sigh of relief, his shoulders finally relaxing. My chest tightened, a cold weight settling in my stomach.

Amidst the blaring music and clinking glasses, my voice cut through, flat and clear. "Austin, I want to see your camera roll." The room went quiet again.

Austin, sitting right next to me, went rigid. A second later, he recovered his smile and draped an arm around my shoulder, squeezing gently. "Come on, babe.

I will show you when we get back home." I shook my head. "I want to see it now.

I am really curious to see what I look like through my boyfriend's eyes." I looked at him, forcing my lips to curve upward, though the warmth never reached my eyes.

His grip on my shoulder tightened, his tone laced with soft exasperation. "Caitlin, don't be like this.

You know I have confidential family business files saved on there." It was always the same excuse. In our three years of dating, I had never once looked through Austin's phone.

He had a locked vault on his device, and whenever I asked, he claimed it was filled with sensitive documents regarding his family's logistics company.

Since he had taken over a portion of the family business during our freshman year, I had never doubted him. I had respected his privacy and never brought it up again.

But tonight, I did not want to be reasonable.

His sheer panic made me desperate to know the truth. "I won't look at your files," I said, my voice steady. "Just text the photos to me." "You don't even have to send thirty.

Just ten." "We have been together for three years, Austin.

Surely your phone has at least ten photos of me." The more observant people in the room began to exchange knowing glances, their eyes gleaming with the anticipation of drama.

As the silence stretched, my heart sank lower and lower. I had never imagined he would struggle to find even ten pictures.

He could fill gigabytes of storage with Brandi's modeling shoots, but he could not produce ten simple photos of the girl he supposedly loved.

A wave of profound absurdity washed over me. I grabbed my bag from the booth, ready to walk out.

Austin finally snapped out of his daze, reaching for my arm. "Caitlin, wait, let me explain..." Brandi stood up from across the table, quickly walking over to grab my hand. "Caitlin, is this because of what they said?

Please don't misunderstand." "Don't listen to them. You know I need to constantly update my social media for my modeling gigs, and Austin is the only decent photographer I know.

It was purely professional. If it makes you uncomfortable, I will never ask him for help again." "And who else is going to take them?" Austin suddenly snapped.

His brow was furrowed, his voice dropping into a sharp, displeased register. "Did you forget that freelance photographer who stalked you to your apartment?

What if you run into someone like that again?" Brandi shot him a desperate look, trying to signal him to stop talking, but he ignored her completely, his face tight with protective worry. "If anything happens to you, how am I supposed to face your mother?" The two of them stood there, arguing back and forth, entirely shutting me out of the conversation.

Behind me, I caught the hushed whispers of two classmates. "Austin is still as protective of Brandi as ever." "Well, they have been inseparable since middle school.

If Brandi hadn't dated that guy during freshman year, Austin probably would have confessed to her back then." "Then what about Caitlin?" "Maybe she is just the placeholder?

You know, the substitute for the dream girl." My throat felt incredibly dry, my chest aching with a bitter, suffocating resentment.

I wanted to speak, to defend myself, but as I parted my lips, I realized I had absolutely no ground to stand on. Austin finally finished his debate with Brandi.

Having lost the argument, she huffed, crossing her arms as she walked to the far side of the room.

When Austin turned his gaze back to me, the warmth was entirely gone, replaced by a cold, impatient irritation. "Caitlin, it was just a party game.

Why do you have to ruin the mood like this?" "Brandi is my childhood friend.

Am I supposed to stand by and watch her get hurt?" My hands clenched into tight fists at my sides. "I didn't say that..." I just wanted to know if I mattered to you.

But he cut me off, his voice flat. "You want photos? Fine. I will send them." He tapped on his screen for a few moments. Soon, my phone buzzed with incoming notifications.

Ten photos. Exactly ten, not a single one more. All of them featured me. A few curious onlookers peeked over my shoulder, letting out relieved chuckles as they patted my back. "See?

He had them all along. Look at these, they are all candid shots.

Austin was telling the truth, he just wanted to keep them for himself." "Caitlin, you were totally overthinking it." "Alright, drama over!

Let's get back to the music!" Nobody noticed that my fingers were gripping the phone so hard my knuckles had turned white. Yes, the photos were of me.

But my eyes instantly locked onto the details at the edges of the frames.

In one photo of me at a cafe, a familiar fabric peeked into the corner of the shot, the sleeve of the dress Brandi had worn that exact day.

In another, a few stray locks of long, chestnut hair hovered in the margin. These weren't candid photos Austin had taken of me because he found me beautiful.

These were tightly cropped details, sliced out of larger photos he had taken of Brandi. My lungs felt tight, a sharp pain radiating through my chest.

When he looked through that camera lens, who was he actually focusing on? Me, or the girl standing right beside me? A flood of memories rushed over me.

We had started dating in the spring of our freshman year, and it wasn't long before he introduced me to Brandi. At the time, she was still with her college boyfriend.

The four of us would occasionally go out for dinners.

Every single time we ordered, Austin would effortlessly recite Brandi's favorite dishes, her exact spice tolerance, and her allergies.

Once, Brandi's boyfriend joked, "Austin, buddy, let me do the ordering next time, or Brandi is going to think I don't care about her preferences." Austin had laughed it off, promising to step back, but by the next dinner, he was right back to his old habits.

Later, after Brandi broke up with her boyfriend, we still hung out constantly.

Whenever I bought tickets for a movie or planned a weekend getaway, Austin would always add, "Great, let me text Brandi to see if she is free to join us." When I voiced my discomfort, he would reassure me, saying that his mother had promised Brandi's family to look after her.

Since her family had helped him during his childhood, he felt obligated to repay the debt. I had swallowed my pride and endured it.

Then Brandi started her modeling work, and her schedule became packed. I thought we would finally have some time to ourselves. Until that creepy photographer stalked her.

The night she called him, terrified, Austin left me sitting alone in a dark movie theater to rush to her side. I understood the gravity of the situation, so I hadn't complained.

But after that night, Austin became her personal photographer. They spent more time together than we did.

Across the room, the speakers blared a classic ballad about unrequited love. I looked over.

Austin had reclaimed his seat next to Brandi, leaning in close to whisper something to her, his attention entirely consumed by her.

In this crowded, noisy room, she was the only one who existed to him. A quiet, bitter laugh escaped my throat. I should have seen the signs long ago.

I had simply chosen to remain blind. Without a sound, I slipped out of the room. I pulled out my phone. A text from my internship supervisor sat at the top of my notifications.

The company wanted to offer me a permanent, fulltime position. Austin came from a wealthy family and possessed incredible natural talent.

I had desperately wanted to be successful enough to stand beside him as an equal. So, I had entered one of the most competitive firms in the city.

Out of thirty interns, only one would be offered a contract. To secure my place in this city, I had worked myself to the bone.

I had stayed up until dawn finalizing proposals even when running a high fever. I had planned to share this incredible news with him tonight. Now, I realized there was no point.

My fingers tapped lightly against the glass screen. "Thank you for the opportunity, but I must respectfully decline.

Please offer the position to someone else." I was going back to Savannah.

During our senior year, Austin had rented an apartment close to my office, and I had been living there with him. But that night, I didn't go back.

I went to my old dorm room instead.

The next morning, I woke up to several missed calls and messages from him. "Why didn't you come back last night?" "Caitlin, are you still throwing a tantrum?" "Brandi hired a female photographer, I won't be shooting her portfolios anymore.

Is that enough to satisfy you?" I read the texts, finding no trace of genuine remorse, only a tired, heavy annoyance. I began typing a reply, then deleted it.

After some thought, I decided we needed to end this in person. I owed our three years together a proper conclusion. I sent him the address of a quiet cafe near campus.

After waiting for thirty minutes, Austin arrived, but the familiar figure of Brandi was right behind him. Under the table, my fingers curled into tight fists.

They walked over and sat down across from me.

Austin picked up the menu, while Brandi offered a bright, cheerful wave. "Caitlin, you left so suddenly last night without saying goodbye." "But oh my gosh, this cafe is absolutely beautiful!

The lighting is perfect for a shoot. I should have asked my new photographer to come along.

Oh well, Austin, you can just snap a few quick ones of me later." Austin smiled, his tone a mix of indulgence and affection. "Whatever you say, princess." He waved down the waiter. "A sweet latte, an iced americano, and..." He paused, finally looking at me. "Caitlin, what are you having?" A bitter pang went through my chest.

Three years, and he still did not know my order. "Just a glass of water, please," I told the waiter.

Austin seemed to realize his mistake, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. "Are you sure? What about a cappuccino?

Or a vanilla latte?" "Austin, it doesn't matter," I cut him off. "I asked you here because..." "Oh my gosh!

Look at that sunlight!" Brandi squealed, pointing at the floortoceiling windows. "Austin, quick, get the camera!" The sunlight streamed through the glass, catching the golden highlights in her hair, making her look radiant.

Austin's eyes lit up instantly. "That is perfect.

Let me grab the camera." He pulled out his phone, a vintage CCD camera, and his professional DSLR from his bag, carefully adjusting the settings as he began directing her poses.

He was entirely absorbed in his work, treating it like a grand artistic endeavor. I remembered the times we had traveled together.

When I asked him to take a single photo of me against a beautiful backdrop, he would snap a quick picture in three seconds flat, barely looking at the screen.

He had never truly looked at me through that lens. As long as Brandi was in the room, his eyes would only ever find her.

They continued their impromptu shoot, completely ignoring my presence.

The waiter returned with the drinks, smiling warmly at them. "I don't think I have ever seen a boyfriend so dedicated to taking photos of his girl." "Yes, he is quite dedicated," I said quietly.

The waiter's voice was clear, and Brandi's eyes flickered in my direction. She had definitely heard him, but she made no effort to correct him.

Instead, a subtle, smug triumph flashed deep within her eyes. "That expression is perfect!" Austin exclaimed, clicking the shutter.

Whether he had heard the waiter or not, it didn't matter anymore.

I took a slow sip of my water, placing the glass back on the table with a soft click. "Austin, let's break up." Click.

Austin took one last shot, reviewed the image on his screen, and finally turned his head to look at me. "What?

Sorry, Caitlin, what did you say?" I glanced at Brandi, offering a faint smile. "Brandi heard me. You can ask her." With that, I stood up and walked out of the cafe.

On my way back to the dorms, my phone began to ring incessantly. I hesitated before picking up.

A heavy silence stretched across the line for a full minute before his voice came through, low and tense. "Caitlin, you want to break up?" "Yes." "Why?

Have I not been good to you?" I was stunned by the question. He genuinely had no idea why I was leaving. If I looked at our relationship in a vacuum, Austin was a decent boyfriend.

He bought me expensive gifts, helped me with career advice, and supported me whenever I faced challenges.

But that was only when Brandi wasn't involved. "Austin," I said, trying to keep my voice calm. "Have you ever paused to think about who you actually love?" The line went dead silent, his breathing catching. "I am not going to spend my life playing second fiddle to someone else.

Let's just end it here." I hung up, refusing to answer any of his subsequent calls or texts. The next few days passed in quiet isolation.

On my final day at the internship, my supervisor pulled me into her office. "Caitlin, are you absolutely sure about this?

Most graduates would kill for a starting position here." I smiled gratefully. "Thank you, but my mind is made up." I knew that with my qualifications, I could secure a good job back in Savannah.

When I stepped out of the office building, I was surprised to find Austin leaning against his car, his eyes locked onto me.

He strode over, grabbing my hand in a tight grip. "Caitlin, what did you mean by that phone call?" "You are my girlfriend.

If you want to end things, you owe me a real explanation." "I have already said everything I need to say," I replied, pulling against his grip. "Please let go of me." His fingers dug in deeper, a stubborn, frantic energy rolling off him. "Is this about the photography?

I told you, she has a new photographer now. I am done shooting for her." "But you still took her photos at the cafe, didn't you?" I asked, a mocking smile on my face.

He flinched, his voice faltering. "That was... an exception." I did not want to waste another breath. I pulled away and walked quickly toward the bus stop.

My bus back to campus was arriving. Suddenly, a loud engine roared from down the street.

As the motorcycle sped past, a gloved hand reached out and violently snatched my bag from my shoulder. The force of the yank sent me crashing onto the concrete.

My palms and knees scraped hard against the asphalt, blood welling up immediately. "Caitlin!" Austin rushed over, his face pale with panic as he knelt beside me, trying to pull up his phone to dial 911.

Before he could dial, his phone began to ring.

He glanced at the caller ID, freezing for a fraction of a second before answering. "Brandi..." Within seconds, Austin stood up, his face turning completely cold. "That creep came back to your place?" "Hang on, I am on my way!" I bit my lip against the throbbing pain, my bloody fingers reaching out to grab the hem of his coat. "Austin..." He looked down at me, a flash of conflict crossing his eyes.

Then, he knelt back down, using his thumb to gently wipe some dirt from my cheek. "I called the ambulance, they will be here soon.

Brandi is in immediate danger, I have to go help her. Caitlin, wait for me." Before I could say a word, he turned and ran down the street, disappearing around the corner.

I stared at his retreating back, slowly letting go of the breath in my throat. The question I wanted to ask him, Now do you see who you really love? remained unspoken.

I thought my heart would break, but perhaps the physical pain of my scraped limbs numbed the ache. I felt incredibly, terrifyingly calm.

When my parents heard the news, they drove through the night to reach the hospital.

The police were efficient, apprehending the thief and returning my stolen belongings within a day. I spent three days recovering in the hospital.

Many friends came to visit, but Austin was never one of them. Lying in bed, I scrolled through my feed and saw Brandi's latest post.

It was a picture of a harbor at sunset, with the caption: Grateful for the harbor that always waits for my ship. I tapped the heart icon and closed the app.

The next day, Austin finally rushed into the hospital lobby. "I am looking for Caitlin.

Which ward is she in?" The receptionist checked her computer and looked up. "I am sorry, she was discharged yesterday." Unable to reach me by phone, he drove straight to my office, only for my supervisor to adjust her glasses and sigh. "Caitlin?

She declined our offer, resigned from her internship, and left the city. She should be back in her hometown by now." Her words hit him like a physical blow, pinning him to the spot.

Austin's face drained of all color.